update

We get internet back on Monday. Yay!!!

Spent last weekend at my mom's house. It was great, I don't get to spend enough time with her anymore. The kids were going to Brandon's for the weekend. Since we drove them all the way to Seattle for Labor Day weekend he came to Spokane for his weekend this month. This has never been a big problem (besides for him!) because his mom lives in Spokane so he just stays at her house with them thus killing two birds with one stone; he sees them and his mom gets to see them so I don't have to take them over to her house. Let's face it, if I am going to drive my kids to Spokane to visit a grandma, I'll take them to the good grandma!!

Anyway, after seeing Julie and the family (including the Baby!!!) and getting some good snuggle time in, with the baby not the Julie, and seeing Sabre and her family for a bit I let my mommy buy me some clothes. (I did say she's the best mom in the world, right?) In the middle of shopping I got a call from Brandon to tell me he was taking the kids to a motel and to find out where he could take Alex for urgent care.

Apparently his mom is quitting smoking with the help of some prescription that makes sane and sober people have mood swings and anger issues. It specifically says DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL on the label of this stuff. She is an alcoholic so when she came home toasted she was ready to fight. Brandon is not going to win Father of the Year award any time soon but he is miles up the list from where she is as a parent. He's told me some really sad and tragic stories of things she has done to him in the name of drinking. He raised his voice at the kids and made Alex stand in the corner for standing on her couch. She decided he was being too harsh on them since he only sees them once a month. The conversation went from bad to worse with neither one of them realizing this was in front of all my kids. It ended, according to Brandon, with her telling him to not bother coming to her funeral (let's put the "FUN" back in FUNeral, eh?).

Well, that solved the urgent care issue. Alex had stomach aches for a long time (among other ailments like headaches and back pain) when we were getting divorced. When he went to therapy it came out that those symptoms are how his body deals with stress. So when he sat through a huge fight, heeeeeere's the stomach aches! Shocker.

I told Brandon he should just bring the kids out to my mom's to sleep and then see them in the morning before he headed home. That way he could just go stay at his brother's house or something and not pay for a motel. He decided that he would just bring them out and drive home in the middle of the night. I ended up putting my mom on the phone with him, after what felt like 30 minutes of me playing therapist again, to set up the details while I tried on shirts. (I'm telling you, my mom could kick your mom's butt!)

The kids were more than happy to come to grandma's house, the weekend was fantastic, I now fit into another size down in the jeans department and therefore own 2 pairs that are slightly too big but still good and one that fits but will be infinitely more comfortable 5 pounds from now. And will look better when I start doing some massive crunches to get rid of the abundance of muffin top I'm sporting. We spent Sunday playing Trivial Pursuit and mom learned it's okay to cheat a little if everyone's on board. We were playing with the kids' questions since NO WAY would it have ever ended if we played on the adults' questions. Who knows if she really knew the answer but I "helped" by telling her it was not "standing cow". Can you figure out what the answer was? She did. She's the best and the smartest!

Then we played full house hide and seek. Ohmygosh it was fun! The kids totally get it (except Annie who wants to hide with you so she has someone to talk to) and Ashley took my hiding place I found and even I couldn't find her there. I totally forgot. Luckily, Grandma accidentally found her before we really gave up. She was NOT going to come out until we found her. Maybe we should discuss "olley olley in come free" before we play again if she's going to be that good.

Anyway, we had a blast and now two of my friends from our complex want to go have a girls' weekend in Spokane and stay at mom's house. We'll have to see if we can find a weekend that all the daddies can handle it. Maybe Amy's kids will go to her mom and dad's house (also in Spokane) so her husband doesn't go nuts with 4 boys on his own.

Mom, what do you think?

How was YOUR morning?

Dear Brandon,

I know it's been awhile since we spoke. I've enjoyed that. Since you felt the need to berate me this morning (Happy Birthday, Ashley!!) I have a few things I'd like to get out there for you.

First, when I said I needed you to have the kids in Spokane this month because I am broke and cannot afford to drive to Ellensburg, I meant it. It was a not a tactic to get something from you. I don't think it's fair that you expect the kids to make the huge horrible drive to your house in the middle of the night on a Friday so they can make the huge horrible drive back home that Sunday. I think if you were a dad worth his weight in baby poop (which you never changed!) you would see that it is better for you to sacrifice than to be selfish and make them do it. No one likes the drive but YOU chose to move over there and YOU should be the one who gets stuck with the crappy commute.

Second, I have not missed you telling me how much you love me/care for me/blah blah blah. I didn't want to hear it today. I especially didn't want to hear it today 2.3 seconds after you told a) I am a complete bitch and b) I am a pain in your backside and that it's my problem.

Um, no it's not, but that's beside the point.

You still argue in the same ways you always did. You are so convinced you know what I'm going to say back to you (because you think you know me so well obviously NOT since you didn't see the end coming!) so you argue in long lines of "logic". It is hard for me to remember all the different accusations I need to defend myself against when you list 200 of them in one paragraph. If you want to do that, do it in email, please! That way I can keep a record of it, just in case, and I can reply point by point to all the lovely things you say about me.

Okay, Third, I drove the kids over to Seattle after your mom decided to fly rather than drive to your family's reunion. You kept putting me off about paying for gas to help since I SAVED you money. So when I said that you coming to Spokane would be a fair way to make that up, I actually meant it would be fair. I didn't say it would be advantageous to me and be a way to "get" you as a bonus kicker. I know, I saw Aiden's sister and brother in law while we were there. You claiming that us visiting family whilst in town negates your obligation to help pay for gas is insane! When you drive to Spokane, do you not see your family? So there goes that argument.

I wish you would realize that your crystal ball with which you see the future is broken.

You have a lot of holes in all your arguments.

Like when you claimed that Alex missed school a lot last year to go up to Spokane for Aiden's doctor appointments. Um, he missed one day and it was only half a day. AND IT WAS A YEAR AGO!! You're going to have to let go of that eventually. Try it now, Deep breath, unclench.

Unclench what? You know, anything that is clenched needs to relax. Figure it out. Maybe your crystal ball can help you.

I also think it's hilarious that you are mad about the kids (it was only Alex) missing a day of school (it was 2.5 hours) to go to Spokane to see the dentist. And then you thought it was awful of me to say that going to the dentist, who is only open during certain hours, was more important and easier to justify pulling the kids from school for than going to see thier dad a couple of hours early.

The dentist actually helps them. It is actually beneficial to them to see the dentist. Same thing when I took Alex to the doctor to get his check up. Actually GOOD for him.

Going to see you is not beneficial or in any way POSITIVE for the kids. They come home hyped up on sugar and caffeine (don't get me started) and you have bypassed bedtime or any other RULES (liiiike bedtime?) so that you can be the favorite parent.

Thanks for calling me back, for the third time, by the way, and telling me I "win". That you'll see them in Spokane this month. That's really big of you.

Thanks for apologizing, after I brought it up, for throwing the money you said you'd give me to help cover gas on the ground at McDonalds just to prove you could make me pick it up. I'm sure you were thinking about it the other day. Stupid things I have done in the past keep passing through my head, too. Hopefully you feel absolved of any wrong doing now and can sleep at night again.

I'm sure there's more but I have to go now so I can get to class and continue to get smarter and smarter so I can be a dentist and get money and then throw away Aiden like I threw you away since you stopped being my "bitch". I'm positive that was the entire reason we got divorced. Or even a small part.

I would like to like you. I would like to get along with you. I would like you to take the Lexapro you know you need. It makes you easier to deal with.

Me