I just don't know sometimes

Aiden is a fan of records. As in LPs. My kids sort of know what they are although we don't play them all that often so they are sketchy on the details. Mostly they know a record is for music.

Occasionally Annie will come running down the hall and ask if she can play the record.

Um, no.

"But you always let me," she'll protest.

Really? I always let you play the records? No, I don't. And so Aiden doesn't get mad at me, please stop saying I do. Some of those are expensive!

Finally we remember she means "keyboard". Oh...!

Well, no. Normally, yes. But this "record" conversation has given me a headache that will be made worse by you playing the keyboard demo song over and over and over again. (It's one of those songs you played in Jr. High band.. Mac the Knife or some such thing.)(not Mac the Knife but I can't think of it right now)

Another word she cannot get right? For anything?

Sew.

As in, Mom, my bear has a hole in it. Can you knit it?

Um, I don't knit. Do you mean SEW?

There are some very old women who talk like this. Trust me, I met all of them through my years in customer service. They all manage to use the wrong words for the important piece of the sentence. It's always in the neighborhood of the word they meant but just off enough that it's really confusing.

Like, did you see that episode of FRIENDS where Joey writes his recommendation letter for Monica and Chandler? He gets intimate with a thesaurus.

At least she's pretty.

How Crazy is it around here?

Since I posted about Annie yesterday I thought it was fair (and entertaining) to include some of Alex and Ashley's Saturday afternoon/evening. This is just some of the three hour block.

Alex got Batman Lego (Or Lego Batman, prolly) from Brandon for Valentine's Day last weekend. Unfortunatly he was grounded from his PSP so he had to wait a week to play it. Lego has this great series of Star Wars games out and I guess now Batman (there may be others but I don't know or care, really). When you kill something or run over it or whatever all that happens is the Lego pieces burst apart and then kind of disappear.

Because he had to wait a week to play it we let him play A LOT more than usual. He was explaining some part of it to us and Aiden said something about how it sounds pretty violent (half snarkily)

"But it's okay because it's just cartoon violence" was Alex's answer.

We all started laughing. Alex realized this was funny and said "you should blog about that".

Later on Ashley was helping me clean the fish tank. Remember? The fish called Lunch? Yeah.

She thought it was really silly that I had to catch him in my hand to plunk him into a water glass with some water (I didn't try the trick Stephanie taught me). Then she sat and looked at him while I washed the tank. I kept joking that I would eat him. Just drink him right down. She was laughing and getting really silly. Then we put the fish tank back together and carried it over to the bookshelf where we were greeting by a smiling Crook (the cat) sitting right where the tank goes. I'm serious, he was smiling.

We sprayed him with water and told him NO NO NO NO NO NO!

Then Ashley told me "He was waiting to be served Lunch!"

When she was getting her jammies on she told Aiden it smelled like "bahk" in here. Since she still has some trouble with R's becoming W's Aiden thought she had said "Bark".

She adamatly repeated it smelled like "bahhhhhhhk".

So Aiden said "Bahk?"

And she said "yes! Like 'BAHK' CHICKEN!"

The game Chicken Out was sitting on the floor that is probably where it came from but we briefly wondered what was wrong with her.

why I'm laughing (another reason)

Ashley dropped her chicken nuggets on the floor of the van. They were still in the box and she was on the verge of a melt-down over the whole thing. At least they didn't touch the floor which is covered in about 90 different pairs of boots' prints and all the bacteria/dirt/snow GUNK they bring in and out every. damn. day.

Anyway, Aiden unbuckles and says "I'll get them, give me two shakes" as he climbs into the back to retrieve the nuggets. Annie takes this opportunity to embrace her inner smart ass and in perfect flat tone says "Shake. Shake."

I almost had to pull over we all started laughing so hard.

Later today Ashley and I were at the house. I was reading something and told her we'd go to the bus stop to pick up some of the 8 kids we ferry each day in 20 minutes. She had options and suggestions of what to do while she waited. She chose to stomp around the house pouting that she can't play with the cat toy today since she wrapped it around one of their necks.

Pouting got old quick (especially when Mom doesn't respond!) so she came marching up and yelled "I CALL 20 MINUTES!"

I almost couldn't answer her that it had, in fact, only been 10 minutes but I managed to get that information to her through my laughter. She indignantly said "well, it FEELS like 20 minutes. Let's GO"

I decided that if she would be buckled in her car seat and unable to stomp anymore and she wanted to wait at the bus stop longer, FINE. I walked out and told her to get her boots on so we could go.

She refused. She didn't want to go. She thinks all those kindergartners should just walk their own selves home. There was a fight cooking up which I didn't particularly want to have. I asked if I could carry her to the car thus avoiding the boots altogether. This pleased her highness and life was quiet and calm again.

Also, this morning Diva Annie dug out some of her money to go to Rite Aid and buy some BRATZ (ugh!) fake nails. We (AIDEN) managed to talk her out of those and into a cheaper set with just as many ugly nails AND cool nail stickers. That is, stickers for your nails not stickers of nails.

She informed me she would like to request to not put it in a bag because "I don't want no bag".

"Any bag" I said and had her repeat it back to me right before I realized that was wrong, too. Gosh, and I want to teach these people.

Alex got on the phone with a friend of his tonight. He needed to get the friend's phone number and couldn't find any paper. I pointed him to the white board and said to write it there. Suddenly Alex was saying "hol, hol, hold on, run that by me once more..... I said you're going to have to run that by me one more time."

When did my kid become a 40 year old contractor?

Hopefully women use deodorant, too

Last night we decided to play a game. Aiden got me a new game called The Last Word for my birthday and the kids, who have been gamers in the old sense of the word (not the plugged in console reliant sense) lately have been badgering us to let them play. I have been trying to figure out how to make it kid friendly and how to let them play it and enjoy it while avoiding the Thanksgiving Break SORRY! debacle.

Normal game play is that everyone has a subject card and then you turn over a letter. Players race to think of a word that matches both and then play their subject card. Everyone shouts out answers and whoever finishes before the randomly timed buzzer goes off gets to move on the board. It is a fun time, just not for kids. We remedied this by taking turns starting the subject and timer and then going around in a circle in an orderly fashion so as to prevent fights of who was talking first, etc. And we eliminated the letter cards altogether.

Since Ashley is 4 she was at somewhat of a disadvantage (although she was up against several of us with ADD and the inability to plan ahead and ended up playing on the same level as the rest of us with our handicap figured in) I was whispering words to her so she could keep the game going. This was just fine until she realized she could play on her own. Then she would not use any of the answers I offered up even if she was about to say it anyway.

Some of the answers, by category, for your enjoyment:

All About Being a Teenager:

Mom: High School
Ashley (who was next): Musical!

Water Animals:

Annie: all the answers she wanted to use were said already so she had to think... Aiden tried to help by offering a suggestion but she offered him the "go ahead and die now" look then announced: WATER BUFFALO

Vegetables:

Ashley: after the buzzer already went off: I should have said "banana!"

Things in a factory:

Annie: chocolate!
Mom: Oompa Loompas

Things in Washington D.C.

Ashley: after I whispered "the Pentagon": The pinnacle
Alex: I was going to say that!

Things at the grocery store:

Annie: Connie! (their favorite checker)

Things found at Grandma's house:

Ashley: Wocking Howses
Annie: Dogs

5 letter words:

Ashley: it was hers to start and this would have taken all night. Normally we would have skipped it but the timer is pretty quick... I tried to help her come up with one but she said: birds all on her own.

Pizza:

Annie: Ketchup

Things under the ground:

Ashley: turtles

Things found in a purse:

Ashley: Sparkewly wip stuff

Types of spices:

Aiden to Annie: What do we make garlic bread out of?
Annie: ...... (crickets)
Mom: saaaaalt (to Ashley)
Ashley: CORN! (can you tell what she likes on her corn?)
Aiden: What do we normally use with salt?
Ashley: slaps her head and rolls her eyes at herself: peppewuh

Things used mainly by men:

Alex: DEODORANT!


Every time the timer would go off Ashley would say ME! and move her piece. The end of the game came down to me, Alex and Ashley all waiting for one more space. Aiden and Annie were gracious losers (for the first time ever for Annie!). Mostly this was not their fault as the timing of the game is impossible but crucial. Ashley would get a lot of the last answers because she was holding out on saying what I had whispered to her. Barring that, Alex would get the next word and then the timer would go off. I got a lot because Ashley wouldn't go fast.

Annie and Aiden got hosed simply by where they were in the circle. Only people bookending the slow answerer got a lot of play.