How was YOUR morning?

Dear Brandon,

I know it's been awhile since we spoke. I've enjoyed that. Since you felt the need to berate me this morning (Happy Birthday, Ashley!!) I have a few things I'd like to get out there for you.

First, when I said I needed you to have the kids in Spokane this month because I am broke and cannot afford to drive to Ellensburg, I meant it. It was a not a tactic to get something from you. I don't think it's fair that you expect the kids to make the huge horrible drive to your house in the middle of the night on a Friday so they can make the huge horrible drive back home that Sunday. I think if you were a dad worth his weight in baby poop (which you never changed!) you would see that it is better for you to sacrifice than to be selfish and make them do it. No one likes the drive but YOU chose to move over there and YOU should be the one who gets stuck with the crappy commute.

Second, I have not missed you telling me how much you love me/care for me/blah blah blah. I didn't want to hear it today. I especially didn't want to hear it today 2.3 seconds after you told a) I am a complete bitch and b) I am a pain in your backside and that it's my problem.

Um, no it's not, but that's beside the point.

You still argue in the same ways you always did. You are so convinced you know what I'm going to say back to you (because you think you know me so well obviously NOT since you didn't see the end coming!) so you argue in long lines of "logic". It is hard for me to remember all the different accusations I need to defend myself against when you list 200 of them in one paragraph. If you want to do that, do it in email, please! That way I can keep a record of it, just in case, and I can reply point by point to all the lovely things you say about me.

Okay, Third, I drove the kids over to Seattle after your mom decided to fly rather than drive to your family's reunion. You kept putting me off about paying for gas to help since I SAVED you money. So when I said that you coming to Spokane would be a fair way to make that up, I actually meant it would be fair. I didn't say it would be advantageous to me and be a way to "get" you as a bonus kicker. I know, I saw Aiden's sister and brother in law while we were there. You claiming that us visiting family whilst in town negates your obligation to help pay for gas is insane! When you drive to Spokane, do you not see your family? So there goes that argument.

I wish you would realize that your crystal ball with which you see the future is broken.

You have a lot of holes in all your arguments.

Like when you claimed that Alex missed school a lot last year to go up to Spokane for Aiden's doctor appointments. Um, he missed one day and it was only half a day. AND IT WAS A YEAR AGO!! You're going to have to let go of that eventually. Try it now, Deep breath, unclench.

Unclench what? You know, anything that is clenched needs to relax. Figure it out. Maybe your crystal ball can help you.

I also think it's hilarious that you are mad about the kids (it was only Alex) missing a day of school (it was 2.5 hours) to go to Spokane to see the dentist. And then you thought it was awful of me to say that going to the dentist, who is only open during certain hours, was more important and easier to justify pulling the kids from school for than going to see thier dad a couple of hours early.

The dentist actually helps them. It is actually beneficial to them to see the dentist. Same thing when I took Alex to the doctor to get his check up. Actually GOOD for him.

Going to see you is not beneficial or in any way POSITIVE for the kids. They come home hyped up on sugar and caffeine (don't get me started) and you have bypassed bedtime or any other RULES (liiiike bedtime?) so that you can be the favorite parent.

Thanks for calling me back, for the third time, by the way, and telling me I "win". That you'll see them in Spokane this month. That's really big of you.

Thanks for apologizing, after I brought it up, for throwing the money you said you'd give me to help cover gas on the ground at McDonalds just to prove you could make me pick it up. I'm sure you were thinking about it the other day. Stupid things I have done in the past keep passing through my head, too. Hopefully you feel absolved of any wrong doing now and can sleep at night again.

I'm sure there's more but I have to go now so I can get to class and continue to get smarter and smarter so I can be a dentist and get money and then throw away Aiden like I threw you away since you stopped being my "bitch". I'm positive that was the entire reason we got divorced. Or even a small part.

I would like to like you. I would like to get along with you. I would like you to take the Lexapro you know you need. It makes you easier to deal with.

Me