Sunday, December 14, 2008

You Don't Need No Stinkin' Seatbelt

It's Aiden, which is probably important to note. It is featured neatly on this blog-thing without me making a point of it, but the font for the "posted by" part is so tiny and I post so rarely I decided to mention it. Now, on with the blog.

Kids don't actually need a seatbelt, right? Damn, they actually do. It is truly an important safety feature of any vehicle, incuding the preschool bus. Especially with the bus driver whose bus I happen to be riding as an aide on. Any man who can carry on a 45 minute conversation with himself should not be given the keys to a vehicle that ferries around 20 little lives.

My only complaint (besides those of the bus driver, and yes there are more) is that buckling 3-5 year-olds is like trying to wrap a blanket around a kitten. Most of the kids aren't big enough for a regular shoulder belt, so they must be securely locked down in a 5-point harness while sitting on the booster seat. Some of these kids adamently believe that they are "big kids" and shouldn't be forced into such a torture device. It doesn't matter if I tell them every day or not that they aren't actually big enough yet. I follow this with a reassuring, "but you're growing everyday" in my most pathetic Mr. Roger's voice.

5-point harnesses are a bear to begin with. Now that it's frigid outside the kids are wearing giant StayPuff marshmallow jackets over their sweatshirts and regular shirts it's even worse. Add in the snowpants needed since the white stuff finally came and these sweet kids suddenly look like Violet Beauregarde. Now they probably all do actually weigh enough for just a shoulder belt. I strap them into their 5-point harnesses just to be sure, breaking a sweat and burning the 150 calories from my morning can of Coke on each one of them. Then it's "Mr. Aiden, I want my backpack" and "Mr. Aiden I dropped my glove" and "Mr. Aiden I don't want my mom to go back inside yet" and "Mr. Aiden is it sharing day because I forgot my toy". Normally I wouldn't mind any of this, but at 7 in the morning it's pure torture.

Plus, the idiotic bus driver just turned the wrong way because he "wasn't paying attention". This is by far the best part of my job.

1 comment:

  1. This goes so well with the new title of the blog! Driver ____ is a maniac who should be canned. And not like prize peaches for the fair.
    You left out some crucial words to understanding the morning (and all other times) drive: Careening, diving [into potholes, easily avoided], lewdly, and creepy.


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