My friend, Amy, and her family came over for dessert the other night. Somehow we got around to strange stories. First it was how a friend of hers used to put the cat in the freezer for a minute to get it to calm down when it was way out of control. Sounds bad but it is strictly funny when she tells it.
That reminded me of the joke about the guy who gets a parrot but finds the parrot to have a foul mouth (not FOWL. ha ha ha). As a last ditch effort he puts the parrot in the freezer to chill out. The parrot sits in the freezer cussing him out for a few minutes and then gets REAAALLLLY quiet. The man lets him out and the parrot is all "thank you, sir" and "maybe we got off on the wrong foot". The man is happy with the new leaf from this parrot but wonders how it was so successful. The parrot then says, "Can I just ask one question? What did the chicken do?!"
Amy, as usual, can top this joke with a true story. She's known all kinds of people in her life and I am betting, based on the stories, that either she met all of them during their padded cell days or they were all on their way there.
Her friends decided they were going to buy a live turkey, raise it, and then eat it for Thanksgiving. They had had it for enough time that it became like a pet when it was time to butcher it. "good luck" said her husband and headed off to work. (I think this was part of the original deal. Otherwise, he's lucky it wasn't HIM who got butchered.) She found that she just couldn't whack its head off no matter what she tried to tell herself.
So she got her hands on some chloroform and held a rag over the turkey's head thus causing the turkey to pass out. This made it an excellent victim for kidnapping but since she already had it she continued with the master plan. Did she cut off it's head? No. She plucked the feathers from it and popped the passed out, LIVE turkey into the freezer hoping this would be the way to deal with it.
When her husband got home from work she figured it had been in the freezer long enough, surely it had died. She opened the freezer to show her husband the result of her efforts.
Out came a bald (featherless anyway) turkey who was fit to be tied. It ran all over their house until it was finally caught and beheaded. I don't know who finally did the honors. I don't know if Amy told us. I couldn't stop laughing at the mental picture of a bald turkey running around the house.
If you think THEY were stressed out about it, how do you think the dang turkey felt?