The doctor is in.

But the receptionist's minds are out!

Ready for this fun bit of oversharing? I am having a lady problem so I called my doctor's office to order a prescription of diflucan to clear it up. (I warned about oversharing). They have this receptionist who is somewhat new (less than 6 months-ish) and irritates the living crap out of me. She's about 60 and has this reallllllly short hair which she then puts little tiny bow barrettes in.
In the bangs.
"Seriously?" You ask
Seriously.
So she answers the phone and I smother my dry heave when I hear her duck voice (like when someone's tongue is too big for their mouth?) and say I would like to order a prescription for a yeast infection pill. "Hmmm... Is this a prescription you normally get?"
Uh, when I need to!
"Well, when I need it, I call in and order it. It's not like it comes with refills or anything"
I can see she wants me to call and order it through my pharmacy. I also know, because I have dealt with this doctor's office more than she has, that they won't fill this prescription that way.
It took 3 minutes of discussing how I only need it sometimes and what her job should now be with that nugget of information before she moved on. (Yes, I timed it)
"Well," she said in that sensual voice of hers (seriously, you hear it from the bottom of her throat but it's all phlegmy. It's just sooo lovely), "what symptoms are you having?"
..
Normally this is not an out of line question, right? IF YOU ARE A NURSE!!! This lady is NOT a nurse. She is not even close to a nurse. She is a receptionist who can't, after 6 months, ask questions in the right order. (She asked my birthdate, then my issue, then my name. Every OTHER receptionist goes birthdate, name, issue. So guess how I believe the system works)
By now, my kind, patient, placating mood had worn thin.
"YEAST INFECTION type symptoms!!!"
"Oh. And what medication do you normally take for that?"

My question is, are there really NO other candidates to fire from that job? No one lasts more than a year anyway. Can't we skip ahead to the next dingleberry brained person and get rid of this twit? (I just called an old person a twit. Accurately.)

She eventually decided that I had been tormented enough and informed me that my doctor I regularly see is in today so she would forward all this to her nurse, that the forwarding wouldn't be a problem, and that the nurse would call with questions.

I felt like King Arthur, searching for the holy grail of oral diflucan, trying to cross the troll's bridge. "WHAT are your symptoms?!"
In fact, she may now be synonomous in my head with Dora the Explorer's Grumpy Old Troll song
"I'm the grumpy old trollll who lives under the [desk], Hey! I'm the grumpy old trollllll who lives under the [desk]. "

You think the fun is over? Oh no! It's only half done. Because then I had to call Alex's doctor to refill his meds.
The receptionists there are usually fantastic. Not so much, today.
First, they wanted my name. Before his name. Uh, okay.
"Holly Young"
"Hmm, how do you spell your name?"
What?!? It's reallllly hard.
"H-O-L-L-Y" pause "Y-O-U-N-G"
"Okay, and what's your last name?"

WTF is it today??? Is there some receptionist brain sucking alien out there? Because I seriously doubt they all got together and made the resolution to be significantly dumber on the phone.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®