SOMETHING will go on, anyway

I like Celine Dion music. It’s not my favorite but sometimes it’s just what I need. Aiden didn’t know this about me when we started dating. We were driving somewhere and I popped my Celine Dion CD into the stereo. The first couple songs were alright and then. AND THEN! “Every night in my dreams…”

“uuugggghhhh….”

Turns out Aiden cannot stand that song. Not for any fantastical reason, either. No, he hates it because she made a whole ton of money with a really bad rhyme. And not just any bad rhyme (Shania, anyone? Because don’t get me started on some of her lyrics. And I like her!) but a bad rhyme which he feels would be best sung by Grover.

As in Sesame Street.

Which lyrics are they, you ask?

“Near, Far, Wherever you are…”

That’s it. Those five little words. And really it’s only the first two. It takes all five to make the rhyme exceptionally bad but it is the first two that Grover ought to be crooning.

To fully understand how he feels about these two syllables you must picture him flapping his hands as though to paddle a boat. Now picture him saying “Neeeeaaaaarrrr” while paddling forward (aka towards the camera). Then hear it: “Faaaarrrr” as he paddles upstage and away from the camera. But you have to imagine reaaallly hard and hear it with a SUPER GROVER voice.

Since he’s ruined the song for me anyway, and since we have been renting The Muppet Show seasons on DVD for the kids (and mostly us), I have decided that it’s not just Grover. I think the whole song should have resurrected The Muppet Show. Maybe a little reunion of sorts. They could play on a Titanic set instead of the roof top. There would be misty fog rolling across the stage to hide the puppeteers. Celine’s voice would be dubbed over by Miss Piggy and we would watch her and Kermit dancing in their best Rose and Jack costumes.

Somehow Jim Henson would have found a way to incorporate some version of Grover’s near/far interjection, if he were still alive. Maybe Grover could be one of the guys who falls off the boat later. I don’t know, but I think the whole thing is intriguing and should be looked into.

At the end, I think Aiden would like to watch Celine go down with the ship.