Saturday, February 28, 2009

Extreme Sports

Back when the X games were a thing (I only knew about them because Brandon thought they'd be the coolest thing EVERRRRRR, mostly due to the media telling him it was the coolest thing EVERRRRR) I had my own opinion as to what, exactly, should be 'ultimate' sports rules. At least as far as baseball goes.

Now, baseball used to accurately be dubbed America's Game. Most the Americans I know that care about a sport, care for football (or lie and say they do. Frankly any game that takes a break every 10 seconds is a big old snooze fest for me!). So one might say (and those football fans do) that FOOTBALL is America's favorite pastime, right?

When Brandon and I were dating we went to a Mariner's game with his brother and my friend, Anita. Anita was as in to sports as I was. Actually, if it was possible, she was in to sports LESS than I was. Brandon and Leonard, however, were nuts about all of it. Hockey, football, baseball, basketball, pro, college, didn't matter they would watch it and find something to argue about during it (mostly about how they could easily do it better/right/farther/harder and/or how the refs/judges/etc were so being paid by the other team. Didn't matter who the other team was).

Needless to say they were less than thrilled when Anita asked me how many quarters would be happening before it was over. I saw the eye rolling from the testosterone side of the seats and corrected her that they were not quarters and were clearly PERIODS. Right?

As we realized not only were we holding out for the SEVEN innings (Oh, that little stretch? It's just a teaser? you're not done?) I mean, NINE innings, we found multiple ways to make the game a whole lot more fun to watch.

1. The batter should not drop the bat before running the bases. Rather, he should carry it with him while he is on the field. Why? Because....

2. They should not have to TAG players out, just throwing the ball at them and hitting them should suffice. No more pickeling between third and home, just lob the ball at him. This is fair because...

3. Batters still have their bats (see rule #1) and should treat an attempted beaning with the ball as a pitch. Swing away and hit the ball back out to the outfield. Keep your helmet on, too. Why? Because...

4. Your teammates are also running bases and having baseballs hucked at them. Should they connect with their bat you don't want to get out of the game AND conciousness from a rogue 'freedom' hit (as I've dubbed them. Just now.) from another base line. Protect your head.

If the baseball folk would just enact these four simple rules, along with the one I think EVERYONE knows is right, Allow Steriods, viewership, ticket sales, and insurance would all increase and the game could then reclaim its rightful place as America's favorite pastime.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous12:04 AM

    All sports would be more interesting with steroids. Could you imagine 'roid rage golf. There's a sport I'd watch! Unfortunately, steroids have dangerous side effects, like men with boobs and women with beards. Oh well.


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