I decided tonight was the night.
The cats really needed baths. (Yes, they did.)
The only other time we gave them baths we found that Crook (washed by Aiden) hated it and Jack (washed by me) was more tolerant, although far from happy about it. We had approached it differently and so it was unknown whether the difference was from the cats or the person washing them.
Tonight we found out.
It's the cat.
I decided to start with Crook since he was such a beast about it last time.
We walked into the bathroom and I shut the door. This was his first clue that something was awry. Then I took off his collar, opened the shower curtain and turned on the water.
After I peeled him from the ceiling I got him back in the tub and started to attempt the washing.
About 2 seconds into that I could see I would need help. I had run an inch or two of water into the tub so I could avoid his exposure to the shower head (that was Aiden's gig last time. Cat's don't like water and REALLY don't like it coming out of a shower head on a hose at them, FYI.)
The entire contents of the tub ended up on my shirt, including the cat. Aiden came to my rescue and while I attempted to hold the cat, claws, and jaws away from me (and keep his fierce crying/growling/faked asthma attacks at a minimum) he washed the parts he could reasonably reach.
The rinse cycle was severely short and may end up making the whole dandruff issue worse. I decided it was most definitely over when he bit through my finger. In two places.
Aiden asked if I needed anything and I composed myself enough to say "a hammer".
Jack's bath went a WHOLE lot better. He's just a better cat, in general, although the kids all call him the mean one.
The whole thing got me to thinking about two things. First, we should zip-tie Crook to the chain-link fence and use the hose next time he needs a bath.
Second, maybe not everyone who kills cats is going to become a serial killer. Maybe the cats have it coming.
***I would just like to explain I would never actually kill a cat. The zip-tie thing would only work if Aiden was helping and since he's morally against it, I can assure you, the cats are safe.