I just don't know sometimes

Aiden is a fan of records. As in LPs. My kids sort of know what they are although we don't play them all that often so they are sketchy on the details. Mostly they know a record is for music.

Occasionally Annie will come running down the hall and ask if she can play the record.

Um, no.

"But you always let me," she'll protest.

Really? I always let you play the records? No, I don't. And so Aiden doesn't get mad at me, please stop saying I do. Some of those are expensive!

Finally we remember she means "keyboard". Oh...!

Well, no. Normally, yes. But this "record" conversation has given me a headache that will be made worse by you playing the keyboard demo song over and over and over again. (It's one of those songs you played in Jr. High band.. Mac the Knife or some such thing.)(not Mac the Knife but I can't think of it right now)

Another word she cannot get right? For anything?

Sew.

As in, Mom, my bear has a hole in it. Can you knit it?

Um, I don't knit. Do you mean SEW?

There are some very old women who talk like this. Trust me, I met all of them through my years in customer service. They all manage to use the wrong words for the important piece of the sentence. It's always in the neighborhood of the word they meant but just off enough that it's really confusing.

Like, did you see that episode of FRIENDS where Joey writes his recommendation letter for Monica and Chandler? He gets intimate with a thesaurus.

At least she's pretty.